Terminally Single

Relationships are too fucking hard. It always seems like, at least for me, that they seem to follow the same pattern.

You meet someone nice, someone who seems like your ideal. The two of you start talking, dating, spending time together, and just getting to know each other in general. Eventually, you are in a "relationship" with each other. Things seem to progress well until the bomb drops. The person that you are with, that you know so well, is not really even the person that you thought they were to begin with!

I should point out at this point that it isn't really a bomb going off. If it were, I think that we would catch on a little bit faster. It never really happens that way. Instead, it's a combination of little things. Little actions, statements, and behaviors that let us know that the person that we thought we knew has become (or has always been) someone else. It's a fact of life I think.

People grow and people change and, unfortunately, people often grow apart. It's hell being with someone and waking up one day, putting the pieces together, and realizing that they are no longer the person that you want to be with. Of course, in all reality, you are probably a different person too.

That is always true for me. I have been cheated on so many times in my life and I always wonder why. I think it's because no one really knows who they want to be with. Everyone wants to meet "the one" but what if that person really doesn't exist? Even when we think we've met our soulmate, it's just a matter of time before we realize that we were wrong. How do you deal with that?

Maybe I'm too picky, but I just refuse to settle for less. That's why, at least in my humble opinion, I think I am terminally single. I want to find the exact right person for me. I have had too many bad relationships to want to go through it again. No, I know that no couple is perfect but there has to be a balance of more good times than bad times, doesn't there? I want to find the person who will watch television with me, read the newspaper while I read a book, or go to a good movie, all just to spend time with me. I want to find the person that will call me just to say hello or tell me that he loves me just in case he hasn't that day. I want to meet someone who will tell me how beautiful I am whether I'm dressed to the nines or wearing pajama pants and a t-shirt. I need to find someone who appreciates my good qualities and still loves me in spite of my flaws. The problem is, I'm afraid that person doesn't exist.

In this life we all look for happiness. We all want to find that special someone who doesn't just want to be with us but who actually FITS with us. We all want to find a partner but no one wants to make the sacrifices. I'm ready for something permanent, but I just can't find anyone who is ready for me. So it is that I am terminally single...